eh.. shitty balls..

so lets see.. this last week was well... shitty..
i guess it started off alright..
aside from feeling super guilty and bitchy about things..
am i really that much of a bitch?
i broke up with peter on monday..
the day before our year mark..
things just kinda sizzled..
left..
the week before last he seemed so distant..
and i wanted to ask.. but i didn't..
i figured it was none of my business..
that if he wanted to talk about it that maybe he would..
so i decided to wait it out for a week and see how things went..
things kinda progressed he never told me so.. i kinda felt like i didn't need to talk to him about things either..
which didn't help in the long run..
i had so much going on in my life that i needed to talk to someone about..
but i felt like no one was there.. it got really hard..
i get to visit Paul soon..
his cancer grew back.. they gave him about 6 months to live..
its going to be hard telling him goodbye..
my sister and her husband moved back in..
and thats even harder for me.. things are so hectic at my house..
i feel as though people have forgotten about me..
which really seems to be the case with a lot of people..
my older sister caught me..
she saw my belly button ring..
so i'm kinda scared that shes going to tell my parents..
i just hope things will start to go better for me.. and for peter..
i feel terrible knowing that i hurt him so much..
so i healed.. i have a couple new scars forming as well..
i just cant find an outlet anymore.. it seems like there's no one..
i cant talk to my parents about things.. their to busy..
and bryanda would try to understand but it would be hard to talk..
peter is just out of the question now.. i dont know where to even begin..
and any one else i try to talk to tells me to stop being so depressed and that its annoying..
i miss my bestest friend Keiston..
ever since peter got back.. we haven't ever talked..
he was the only one that i could trust.. and i miss him more than life itself..
maybe i should just show up at his house..
see how things go.. but that would just be awkward for me..
eh fuck this..
i'll see you all later..
i think i'm done with all this bull shit..