What's Worth Fighting?

it seems like every time i find my ground..
something always gets in the way..
and for some reason.. i just cant stop crying over it..
for the most part.. everything was okay.. i suppose..
i just wish life would quit throwing shit at me like this..
i cant handle all of it at once..
all this boys crap, and medical shit piling up, and feeling isolated..
i guess for a teen those are normal right?
i mean life hates you in your teens..
i just hope that maybe.. perhaps..
that life would just for once.. be easy.. just once..
maybe then people would see me for who i truly am..
and not just the rumors and labels..
at least try to get to know the girl underneath the facade..
maybe then us cavemen of AFHS could be "family"
like that show "If You Really Knew Me" that show..
blows my mind.. i wish it would really come for a visit..
so now.. if i may do so.. i will take part in this show.. kinda..
If you really knew me.. you would know that when it all comes down to it..
i'm fighting a losing battle with myself every day of my life..
you would also know that my family struggles with health..
and that growing up in my family.. you weren't allowed to show feelings..
that my parents were never around when i was growing up..
i spent my 5-8th Birthday sitting on my porch alone..
you would know that my dad struggles with kidney stones..
that i struggle with.. depression that hurts sometimes..
that my family struggles to survive..
if you really knew me you would know..
that i have problems with religion..
and never feeling accepted no matter where i go..
i guess i'm just a teen.. i mean everyone goes through this..
but why does it have to be in this particular moment?
why couldn't it be later on down the road..
i'm going to end with this last little bit..
if you really knew me.. you would know.. that i struggle..
with an eating disorder.. and with medical problems..
sometimes the only escape.. is to sit.. and watch.. and wait..
and wait.. and.. wait.. and sooner or later..
if i'm lucky..
it
will
all
just
go
away..